Ah, Arkansas. We hardly know ye. Sure you’re in the SEC West but usually after LSU and Bama take it to you in football every year, we catch you staring out the window towards the Big
12 10 because “Texas doesn’t even call you anymore.” Sure you’ve got a great baseball program, and OH GOD NO we don’t want to hear for THE 100TH TIME about your basketball national championship like 20 years ago. We don’t care. We just want to know: Why Razorbacks? Because all the good mascots were already taken? Hey, we’re not judging, just making an observation, that your mascot sucks. So we here at Shirts of Skins would like to give you a new, more fitting mascot:
The ARKANSAS SECOND COUSINS
Yeah, theyre family but you don’t really know them, and you kind of don’t want to. And NO, Marty my second cousin, it’s NOT okay for you to continue to stare at my wifes breasts. They’re the family that show up 3 hours late to the Reunion with “suspicious powdered sugar” on their nose (SEE RYAN MALLET AND THE HIRING OF JOHN PELPHREY AS AN EXAMPLE).
Second Cousins: More often than not, there seems to be some hard-to-follow story of how they became part of the family anyway. Arkansas to most SEC fans has always had a strange place in our heart. Its been nearly 20 years since they’ve joined the SEC after the SWC implosion yet they still seem like some non-conference foe. It’s just like that forced conversation with the 2nd cousin that you don’t really care to get to know bc in an hour life goes back to normal until you meet again 2 years down the road. Go ahead and talk all you want about Arkansas basketball, your track championships, or whatever else I don’t give a shit about. Even though the SEC, geography, and obesity statistics say we have things in common, it just feels awkward.
OH, and Arkansas, we also deem ye The Second Cousins because we’re fairly sure some of your fans do, in fact, “keep it in the family.” We know you live your life by the following motto:
-Whiskey Indian November