Oh hey there, Kentucky, we didn’t hear you come in. Look, don’t be mad or anything, but we kidnapped Ashley Judd.
Why? Well we’ll let her tell you.
Ashley Judd: “OMG hey Kentucky I’m so glad you guys are here. Please save me from these lunatics! Listen, here’s all they want: 2 boxes of ho-ho’s, and… for you to change your mascot. No I don’t know what flavor cream they want in their ho-ho’s!!! Just hear them out an then get me out of here and back to making lifetime movies!”
Do we have your attention now, Kentucky? Listen, we’ve been thinking, and we decided you need a new mascot. Just hear us out, and we’ll let Ashley free and back to making her new movie: “At first my husband was sweet but now he beats me and all I got was this lifetime movie about it.”
For as long as we can remember Kentucky, you’ve been The Wildcats. But what is so WILD about you? Other than your fans love for bourbon and drinking lots of it in one sitting, you’re not really known for anything wild at all. As a matter of fact, the only time any SEC school is afraid of you is between the months of December and March. You’re football and baseball programs are less like wildcats and more like cute little cuddly kittens, no ones afraid to play them, even at home silly!
Out of your 3 major sports, you’re known for one: basketball. And yes this remains true for most SEC programs, but you guys are like really REALLY known for basketball, and really really suck at football and baseball. Sorry Joker, I hope we can still be friends?
Anywho, since you lean so heavily on the tradition and power of your basketball program, don’t you think that leg of the tripod is getting a little wobbly by now? Besides, your Kentucky, you probably bought your tripod at a flea market for $.50 because it came with a free bottle of bourbon. But I digress. We here at Shirts or Skins deem your new mascot:
The Broken Leg Tripods
We told you not to lean so heavy on that one leg, Kentucky.
-Whiskey Indian November