Today’s fight to the death brings us a Wildcat vs an Elephant. If Sports by Brooks finds this post he might be talking about it for another hundred years looking for one hole to punch through it. (No suits were worn to pre-fight weigh ins, and if they were they were bought with money not signatures. What, you think a college athlete can’t afford a suit because he doesn’t look like what you think someone who can afford a suit looks like?)
Round 1 – Most likely to run up the largest bar tab.
If this contest was happening during basketball season, the wildcat would have a million fans swarming behind it where ever it went covering the earth in blue. On the other hand, an elephant would consume mass quantities of beverages just to prove it has 13 National championships. I’m gonna give the edge to Bama. That trunk has got to hold a lot of fluid.
Round 2 – Most fighting experience.
The edge has to go to Kentucky. No one picks a fight with an elephant. I give Kentucky the win strictly because this cat is wild. (That pun is very bad I know.)
Round 3 – Battle dome til the death.
One tusk, one trunk swat and this game is over. Sorry Kentucky. You might have one had this been in a gym.
Round 4 – Best pure hunter
The elephant hunts berries and trees. I dont see an elephant sliding on its belly to stalk prey anytime soon. The wildcat definitely gets the advantage here. Unless this elephant is Dumbo equipped with stealth paint and heat seeking missiles there is no contest.
Round 5 – Best smile
The wildcat has some impressive teeth in its head that is for sure. I give this one to Bama. Have you ever seen a smiling baby elephant?
This round goes to Bama. The Wildcat put up a valiant effort, but the Elephant was just too big.
Winner – Alabama