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What SEC Schools Buy With Their Money

Yesterday another shot was fired in the battle of billboards in Mississippi. And as we mentioned on twitter this morning, while the Mississippi schools are busy buying billboards, Alabama schools are busy buying championships (kidding, kinda, but not really).

So with magical mythical money given to each school, what would they buy? Well I’m glad you asked, because we though of some things.

Alabama: Aforementioned Championships. Also, some of those special shoes with built in lifts so Nick Saban can truly say he’s 5’8″.

Auburn: every copy ever made of the song “son of a preacher man.” for irony’s sake, and because well they put Trooper in charge of purchases.

Arkansas: All money spent on orthodontics. Free front teeth for all our fans that need them! (they all do)

LSU: Money to be spent writing Les Miles memoirs. Extra money then given to author for therapy sessions after having to write down Les’ thoughts.

Ole Miss: Billboards, Scotch, and the rest to LSU so they will continue to say they’re rivals.

Mississippi State: Billboards and negotiation fees to have owners rights of a tattoo to be placed on Will Ferrel’s butt cheek that says “More Cowbell”. For advertising purposes.

Missouri: Billboards throughout the state touting SEC membership! And also doubling as a public service ad reminding folks not to use meth 😦

Texas A&M: Money spent on investments that will inevitably fail during the fourth quarter.

Florida: Money spent on Will Muschamp’s anger management classes.

Kentucky: John Calipari’s hair products

Tennessee: All paid to keep Derek Dooley’s mom Barbara quiet.

South Carolina: money split between a new set of drivers for the Ole Ball Coach and money to pay people to come watch the basketball team play.

Vandy: Textbooks. Duh

Georgia: money all sent to people who put together SEC football schedules as a thank you!

Please let us know what else you think schools would spend money on.

Peace

-Whiskey Indian November

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